were

you weren't really into me. i found that out rather belatedly. i was the second choice, maybe even the third. i wasn't tall enough or rich enough or handsome enough or good looking enough. looking back i was just company because there was no one else around to lavish you with the attention you wanted.

it was a pity because you were huge to me. i was really into you and i was really happy because you were with me. were. i really didn't think about it then but you were looking past me instead of at me. now there isn't enough to show. come to think of it we didn't really show “us” off. i felt disappointed then but i didn't mind so much. i got to make out and i didn't feel lonely. and that fact hid what the relationship was really becoming. i only saw it was good until i stepped back and away for a few years.

secrets

i understand that people have secrets. i think it becomes a requirement as people grow older. we acquire them through the passage of time, as we go through the trials and travails of this thing we call life. but as i was observing you, you seem to have more secrets than most which i think is ... unhealthy. why do you have so many truths to hide?

it must be lonely -- keeping things to yourself, hiding things that matter to you behind a pained smile. i know its exhausting and it will catch up with you sooner or later.

i think you're a nice person so i hope you find someone to talk to besides yourself.

this video reminds me so much about you. i remember watching the concert on betamax but it felt that we were there in central park as part of the crowd. it was still light when we found our patch of grass just some ways off to the right of the stage near a line of trees. we got comfortable and sat down on the blanket with out bottles of water and waited for the music to start.

i also remember us silently singing along each song we're intimately familar with.

but this was so long ago. time slowly changes a lot of things.